I've been having a struggle lately. Okay, well, it's the same struggle as always but it just seems a bit amplified right now. The struggle is between doing what I know is best for my body, or doing what I desire. Exercise or keep sleeping? Fruit or pancakes? Salad or cheeseburger? Vacation has produced in me the illusion that I can live my life choosing that which I desire at anytime. As I become aware of this illusion, I am reminded that there is a principle in the spiritual traditions I studied, which takes care of all this. Oh yeah. Discipline.
The first step in changing patterns is recognizing them. I got that one down. So the doing something about it is next. Last night as I fixed a decent meal for myself and began the motions to check out Netlix for what I could watch while I ate. Even though the desire to tune out was there, I realized that I didn't have to disconnect. I realized that I had a choice. How liberating. I had gotten in the habit of watching things at night the past week or so and I felt it was time to really eat my food instead of let it accompany my vegging out. Time to reintroduce mindful eating. My local independent radio station, WMNF, was was airing a show focused on the Beatles. I realized I was really enjoying the music so I decided just to keep that going while I ate my dinner. As soon as I made this decision, the song "It's All Too Much" came on. As I wrote in a previous post, this song has already played a role in my connection to...ultimate reality. I was immediately thankful I let the radio keep playing.
While listening to this song, I started to think about how I felt that some divine force was communicating to me right then. I don't know how other people experience this but I am someone who pays attention to "signs." The song ends just as I turn into a parking spot, the radio or tv says a random word or phrase that I just said or thought, or as I pick up the phone the friend I was calling is calling me. I feel so affirmed when these things happen. So when I heard "It's All Too Much" I felt like God or whatever was saying, "Hey, you are making good choices and I support you."
But I have also been watching documentaries about quantum physics lately. And they make a lot of sense. However, the concept of a personal god doesn't really hold up in this paradigm. In quantum physics, or at least my limited version of it, we are all God. We are all constantly choosing our realities, and I am starting to doubt that any separate entity exists. We are all in this together.
Then I realize something important. When I think about these ideas my mind expands, sometimes to maximum capacity. It is difficult to think that we are all designing the reality we share and there is not mass chaos or an omniscient god we all must answer to. My belief is that we sometimes have to conceptualize a personal God to get around the mental gymnastics (to use a phrase I recently heard from Cole Bellamy). It's all too much to think about.
My conclusion: It's okay. I like the idea of a personal god, and it's a natural response to lofty ideas. It works for me, but I can see that it's not the whole story.
I feel this is what George Harrison might have been getting at in his song. Here are the lyrics:
It's all too much, It's all too much When I look into your eyes, your love is there for me And the more I go inside, the more there is to see It's all too much for me to take The love that's shining all around you Everywhere, it's what you make For us to take, it's all too much Floating down the stream of time, of life to life with me Makes no difference where you are or where you'd like to be It's all too much for me to take The love that's shining all around here All the world's a birthday cake, So take a piece but not too much Set me on a silver sun, for I know that I'm free Show me that I'm everywhere, and get me home for tea It's all to much for me to see A love that's shining all around here The more I am, the less I know And what I do is all too much It's all too much for me to take The love that's shining all around you Everywhere, it's what you make For us to take, it's all too much It's too much.....It's too much
